OK, OK, I give up. I admit it. It’s true. Us Democratic libs are behind this zombie apocalypse of scary brown people heading towards the border! It will be the end of all that is good about America! Trump’s got us figured out, completely and totally. We liberals and our evil plans have been exposed by this stable genius! Curses! Foiled again! We do want open borders, completely free and open, so vicious gangs of bloodthirsty Mexicans and savage Arabs can flow into the country and go on frightful sprees of stabbing, hacking, machete death! Totally true! And, yes, we eagerly await the arrival of sinister drug dealers, driving here with truckloads of meth and coke and heroin. We admit it, we want free Oxycontin for all! Everybody high and stupid and fucked up all the time! America nods out! And yes, of course we want to make it illegal to say, “Merry Christmas.” In fact, we want to not only outlaw Christmas, we want to kill Santa Claus. Yes! We want to kill Kris Kringle Saudi style! Cut off his fingers! Chop off his head! We’re busted! Trump knows!

OK, well, we now can see that Fuckface McPantychewer has spent the last two years lying his ass off just warming up for this Blizzard of Bullshit National Tour, where EVERY STINKING WORD OUT OF HIS SPITTLE-FLECKED CAKE HOLE IS A BRAZEN LIE. This perfect tweet sums it up nicely. “I’m sick of his lying. His bullying. His name calling. His vulgarity. His hate. His hypocrisy. His ignorance. His sneer. His voice. His ego. His disdain for the law. His treason. I can’t wait for all this to be over!”

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States—“I did try and fuck her. I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her—she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look. I’ve gotta use some Tic Tacs—just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

ReTrumplican strategy is now very simple. Lie about everything. Well, screw Trump. Screw McConnell. Screw Heller. Each one of these villainous pukes will lie in your face about health care. May each be attacked by the incurable and mercilessly itchy Albanian Taint Fungus.

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