Dwayne Johnson in Black Adam.

DC has scored some decent productions with The Suicide Squad (the latest film, not the first one), Peacemaker and, to a lesser extent, Joker (I still don’t like it, but everybody else seemed to) and The Batman (It was OK). But when DC goes really big, they tend to blow it—and such is the case with their latest cinematic bed-shitting, Black Adam.

Black Adam has no idea what it wants to do with its title character (Dwayne Johnson, sometimes known as The Rock when wrestling is involved). Is Black Adam a villain? Is he a hero? Is he mean? Is he nice? Does he have a big, golden heart in the end, or is he just a big moronic dickhead? Neither the script nor director Jaume Collet-Serra have any idea what to really do here; you can sense that they directed Johnson to just play it neutral.

The result is a central character with zero charisma and next to zero emotions. He’s the Terminator without James Cameron propelling him—a big dumb nothing floating around in the sky, acting like a super sourpuss and draining the film of all positive energy. This thing is dull.

And because this is a DC movie, it needs to be bombastic, CGI-heavy and convoluted to boot. Black Adam reluctantly fights the forces of evil alongside a poor man’s Justice League (called the Justice Society) involving a flying Hawkman (just like Marvel’s Falcon), a big-helmeted psychic guy (sort of a combo of Professor X and Magneto), an atom-crusher guy who grows big (like Ant-Man when he went giant in Civil War) and a woman called Cyclone who is, you guessed it, just like Storm.

These characters are the ragtag team trying to give the film a fun Marvel vibe—but instead, the spastic action reminds of the worst of the Transformers movies. Black Adam fits very much into the mold of most DC comic-book movies in that it totally sucks on just about every conceivable level.

This is an extension of the Shazam universe without the fun. The post-credits scene suggests something far more interesting may be coming than anything in the movie before it. Perhaps next time they will figure out the formula, balance out the vibes and deliver something coherent?

Ha ha ha! I crack myself up sometimes! That shit ain’t happening.

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6 Comments

  1. “Or is he just a big moronic dickhead?”

    Funny, I kept thinking the same thing about a self-absorbed movie “critic” who views everything through a Marvel lens and thereby reveling that he has not a single clue about comic book characters and their history. And didn’t bother to do the research of he had SO many questions.

    You earned your paycheck from Disney Marvel with this one.

  2. I don’t like Joker either it’s a want to be art movie.
    It’s basically. Scorsese’s King of comedy for people who would never watch King of comedy

  3. SPOT ON!!!! Millions of dollars are at their disposal, a decent enough cast, and this is the best they can come up with… I don’t get it. Deeply embarrassing.

  4. I can’t believe that you have a job as a movie critic. Your bias is clearly visible and if you can’t go into a movie to critic it for the type of movie it is and know the genre you are supposed to review with out an obvious bias. You don’t deserve to call yourself a critic much less have some one waste their money paying you.

  5. This is a DC movie not a marvel movie. Stop trying to compare this like it’s a marvel movie. You shouldn’t even be a critic and review movies. You probably just a little bit salty that they don’t have any kind of woke politics in this movie.

  6. Let’s see:
    Justice Society 1940 – Justice League 1960 – Avengers 1963
    Hawkman 1940 – Falcon 1969
    Dr Fate 1940 – Professor X/Magneto – 1963
    Atom 1940 – Ant Man 1962
    Cyclone 2007 (Granddaughter of Red Tornado 1960) – Storm 1975

    Looks to me like Marvel exists because it stole all of DC’s ideas.
    You obviously have no idea of Comic/Super Hero history and are a shill for Marvel.
    It is clear there is no one functioning as an Editor at your organization if they let this pile of misinformation be published.

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