Sometimes I’m proud of the mainstream media. Sometimes not. And for this zany “Summit in Singapore,” the MSM hyperventilated quite nicely. All this breathless bullshit from the Singapore Sheraton, and for what? To give us the latest “Trump has just popped open a new soda!” updates on this jiveass Clown Off starring Bozo and Krusty? I’d love to be the MC for this confab, where the very first words would be—“Bozo. Krusty. Krusty. Bozo.”

I will give Twitler credit on his Historic Handshake. At least he didn’t grab Kim’s hand and subject him to his infamous and potentially injurious “starting a lawn mower” move. Excellent restraint from Dum Dum.

So I’m guessing that in this new Jurassic flick, the security system on Dinosaur Island will, once again, fuck up. Just a wild hunch! Hey, builders of the Reptile Ramada, can’t you install a security system for these killer lizards, that, you know, actually works? These doggone dinosaurs are always getting out, and, boy, do they cause problems! And surfing tyrannosauruses? Who knew?

Robert DeNiro is showing real potential as a political analyst. His quote at the Tony Awards Show this past week was brief, sweet and spot on—“Fuck Trump. It used to be down with Trump, but now it’s Fuck Trump.” Nailed it! The next day, in Toronto, DeNiro showed little or no regret for his tidy Tony Awards comments. “This guy is just a jerk.” Tell it, brotha Bob!

I know many of you are tired of it. Weary of the daily bummers from President Sadisto and his Cabinet of Creeps. It’s enough to give a politically reasonable guy/gal a headache. And gas. And an urge to move to Panama. But goddammit—suck it up! You can’t get tired, you can’t give in, you can’t bail out. If you aren’t going to be a solid sender, who is? You thought getting rid of this human chancre, this orange tumor was going to be easy? In the words of Republican strategist David Frum, “If your child is feverishly ill, it can be very fatiguing to take care of her. But it’s what you do, because that’s your duty. And if your country is ill, you have the same responsibility.”

This just in to the newsroom. New Triple Crown winner Justify became the latest champion to turn down an invitation to the White House. The swift steed released a statement that reads, “I must decline the kind invitation made by President Spanky. Because if I wanted to see a horse’s ass, I would have finished second.” Rimshot!

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