Michelle McHardy is, among many other things, the proprietrix of Explore Kinky, a Reno-based online store selling BDSM equipment and accoutrements. She also offers consultations, coaching and more. For more information, visit www.explorekinky.com.
Tell me about Explore Kinky.
I started Explore Kinky in 2012, primarily as a response to the 50 Shades of Grey books, as providing education as to what not to do if you want to have a really good time playing with BDSM. I’ve been in the lifestyle for more than 12 years personally and professionally. Basically, what I do is teach primarily what we in the scene call “vanilla people” to add a little kink into your lifestyle and into your bedroom. Not necessarily in a huge way. It may be little baby steps at a time or it may be you might want to come do a full scene in my dungeon.
You’re running a Valentine special.
The Valentine’s Day special is our Explore Kinky starter kit. So, the starter kit is normally valued at $175—we’ve got it at $125 for Valentine’s Day. It has basically everything you need to get started. We’ve got some ropes. We have cuffs—both ankle and wrist. We’ve got a blindfold. And a little spaghetti flogger for some sensation play. You can start your play with just that kit, and it all goes in a nice little nondescript bag that you can hide away when you don’t want anyone to be looking at it. The additional part to that is a reduced consultation with myself in my studio, going over what your needs are—how do I talk to my partner about this? How do I broach it? Or, you know, we’ve started playing, but we want to do more exciting things—where do we go from here? … What we offer is consultations, which are talk-based, and a lot of times people just want to know, is this normal? I do have a degree in psychology, and I’ve done a lot of research on the normalcy of BDSM play, and yes, in fact, you are quite normal, if you want to be that.
What else do people ask?
People just want to know, how do I talk about this? Sex is difficult to talk about in general. It’s even more difficult to talk about when you’re talking about kinky sex. And in order to have really good kinky sex, you’re required to have very, very, very good communication. It’s all based on trust, respect and communication. Those are the three basic tenets, in my opinion. The second level I offer is coaching, which is talk and hands-on based. It’s difficult for somebody to go, I really want to learn how to flog somebody—tell me about it. Well, I can tell you how to flog someone, but it’s really difficult if you don’t have someone actually showing you how to do this. … I’m not a therapist, and I do know and refer to kink-friendly therapists. … I do mostly work with couples in that arena, but I have had a lot of particularly single women who are interested in getting into that type of relationship, but also want to be safe, and need help keeping themselves safe. … One of the main reasons that people play with BDSM play is as a stress reliever—or, as I like to call it, grownup play. Adults don’t play enough. … We don’t get to play pretend like we did when we were children. I see it as a very healthy outlet for creativity and stress relief. I think people should explore. … It’s a very good way to increase the intimacy and connection in a relationship. I’ve been in a BDSM-based relationship for more than 12 years … We have a very unique, very intense, very in-depth connection because of our BDSM play.