Cringeworthy moment No. 1 (and I mean reflexive automatic sphincter-clenching Cringeworthy)—Pence giving his latest hickey to the mottled left buttock of his beloved Dum Dum. And doing so while sitting right across the table, looking him in the eye as he achieves maximum suction. Just unbelievably undignified bad, bad, bad, to the point where one average American tweeted in response, “Is Pence a sycophant, a toady, or a lickspittle?” Answer—yes.
I was watching Tillerson during Pence’s extended glute-suck liplock, wondering just what was going on ole Rex’s head. Thought Bubble 1—“Jesus, Mike, you’re gonna need Santa to stuff your stocking with some new knee pads.” TB 2—“This guy’s a bigger moron than Moron.” TB 3—“I gotta get the fuck outta here.”
Cringeworthy moment No. 2—Paul “Eddie Munster” Ryan tweeting the following on Dec. 24: “At the end of each year, no matter how short—or long—it may feel, there is always Christmas. Waiting for us is that sense of wonder the shepherds felt when the angels appeared in night sky to herald the birth of a Savior.”
Gag. Maybe even double gag. Immediately coming to mind after reading that bogus jive was the great quote from Woody Allen’s Hannah and Her Sisters, where Max Van Sydow’s character roars, “If Jesus Christ returned to see what was being done in his name, he’d never stop throwing up.”
Ryan’s blather is, of course, the same swill that despots, greedheads and flaming pricks have thrown out to the peasants for centuries. Distract the folks with the promise of Pie In The Sky courtesy of The Great Fairy Tale in order to get them to calm down and behave while the rich plunder away. After all, this tax stuff is so complex and confusing. (“It will be all right, everybody, I’m sure Mr. Trump and Mr. Ryan have our best interests at heart. Didn’t they just say it was a Christmas present to America, and that it’s the greatest Christmas gift of all? Just think, we will now pay more taxes on a form the size of a post card! Isn’t that just MAGA?)
Cringeworthy moment No. 3—Trump telling his fellow white collar criminals at Mar A Lago after he signed the Tax Cuts and Thievery Act, “You all just got a lot richer.” What’s notable about this quote is that it does indeed show that, very occasionally, Trump can actually tell the truth! How about that! Merry Indictmas, everybody, and a Mueller New Year. Looking forward to some super fun Perp Walks in 2018!