You know that old saying about grand juries, that they generally find it so easy to indict that they could indict a ham sandwich? Well, in light of that Cleveland grand jury that somehow couldn’t bring itself to indict the two cops who slaughtered Tamir Rice two seconds after arriving in the park where Tamir was playing with his toy gun, we can only assume that the grand jury was sending a message to those cops. “You, gentlemen, are less than ham sandwiches.” I’m guessing those cops will now need professional counseling to deal with such a hurtful insinuation.
Actually, I want to give kudos to African Americans for not going on angry, Molotovian rampages on New Year’s Eve in cities across the country after this latest round of unbelievably depressing and horrific bullshit involving Laquan McDonald and Rice. The restraint shown by Black America so far has been laudable. And make no mistake. You know they’re seething. How could they not be? Shit, I’m seething, and I’m an old white coot living in the sagebrush.
So to the list of Folks That Had a Bad 2015—cops, “establishment” Republicans, football refs, Bill Cosby—we can now add, without reservation, grand fucking juries, who have had their collective pants not only pulled down around their ankles, but duct taped in that position. Waddle about, grand juries. Waddle like the unseen tools of good ole boy redneck villainy you truly are.
•
Recent polls show that Americans now say fear of Islamoterrorism is the number one problem in the country. Congratulations to us in the media. We just created a “problem” that’s just a tick above total bullshit.
Which is not to say we shouldn’t be vigilant in defending ourselves and keeping an eye on the murderous mischief that the Islamic State freely admits it wants to create. Of course we should. But let’s also deal with reality here. And the reality is, homegrown American weirdos and mental flameouts are a lot more worrisome than ISIL goons with AKs. I mean, for every San Bernadino, aren’t there 10 shootings perpertrated by lonely, sociopathic “he was a quiet man” Amurricans? In just the last six months, we’ve seen murderous horrors from Christopher Harper-Mercer in that junior college in Roseburg, Dylan Roof at that Charleston church, Bryce Williams in Roanoke (the guy who shot the TV reporter and her cameraman), and Robert Dear at Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs. I’m sure I’m leaving out about 93 others.
The point being that the next guy who takes a Costco by storm one future afternoon and holds everybody hostage may well be an Islamofundamentalist kook who loves Islamic State. But the chances are even better he’ll be a local man (and not a woman), a white Baptist or a quasi-Nazi or some other poor deranged slob who’s broke, wretched, and ready to go full tilt looney and take some innocent people with him as he finally claims his 15 minutes.