I really have to hand it to our governor. In the face of history’s worst approval ratings ever (10 percent, in June), Jim Gibbons is facing down the odds (or reality) by launching his re-election campaign. It’s definitely an interesting time for it. Not only is our esteemed leader less-than-popular with the masses, he still faces a lawsuit in district court, has lost four of his top executive officers, and, oh yeah—presides over the United States’ second most dysfunctional state (after New York). Ahead, even, of Rod Blagojevich’s Illinois, and the IOU-issuing California!
Perhaps seeking out a modern, hip venue for his re-election efforts, or perhaps having heard that it’s a great place to make “friends,” Gibbons has signed up for a Facebook account. And, in yet another misstep, “accidentally” joined a “Recall Bill Raggio” group, resulting in a flurry of media snickers. Hmmm. Perhaps a few Facebook etiquette tips would be in order here.
Dear Governor: On your Facebook homepage, there is a thing called a “Wall,” where you can post little lighthearted quips about your day. You might want to avoid name-calling, communicating intimate details of personal relationships, or divulging any sensitive information regarding things such as upcoming district court cases, federal investigations, or your feelings for GOP rivals. There is also a very popular feature on Facebook where you can take a quiz. You can find out all kinds of things about yourself (and share with all your new friends), like “Which Greek God Are You?” “What Kind of Old Person Will You Be?” and “What Rap Star Are You?” Again, remembering that every post will be publicly displayed and subject to criticism, perhaps even mockery, it might be in your interest to practice, and I’ve helpfully worked up one to test: “Which Blazing Saddles Character Are You?”
To find out which character in the 1974’s Mel Brooks classic YOU might be, simply check which of the following quotes that most resemble your own thoughts:
A: We have to protect our phoney baloney jobs here, gentlemen! We must do something about this immediately!
B: Tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippie, tie-dyed liberals [in Hollywood should]… go make their movies and their music and whine somewhere else…. It’s just too damn bad we didn’t buy them a ticket [to become human shields in Iraq].”
C: Go do that voodoo that you do so well!
D: Hello, handsome, is that a 10-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?
E: Gentlemen, this bill will be a giant step forward in the treatment of the insane gambler.
F: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
G: Nowhere special—I always wanted to go there.
Now, tally up your results. Did you perhaps answer “A” or “E”? Congratulations, that would make you “Governor William J. Lepetomane,” Mel Brooks’ cross-eyed pol with a taste for the ladies. As Lepetomane, you preside over an arid state full of such interesting characters as the corrupt, power-hungry attorney general Hedley Lamarr (C and F), the lovely and talented Lili Von Schtupp (D), and gunslinger Jim, the Waco Kid (G). When Lamarr’s marauding gangs take over and run the town of Rock Ridge into the ground, the populace is helpless until Bart, the intelligent and capable (and black) sheriff rides into town to save the day.
Sound familiar?
And yes, “B” is a trick answer. That was you, as congressional representative. I recommend you leave that one off your Facebook page.