OK, Captain Obvious, reporting for duty! I’m ready to grab at some of this low-hanging fruit that’s dangling in our faces. Yes, I realize that stating the obvious is, well, obvious. And very uncool. But sod it. Somebody needs to do it. And I’m just the slob for the job. As John Lee Hooker once sang, “Momma, it’s in him and it’s got to come out!”

Low-hanging fruit Numero Uno: The Impeachment Trial of Donald F. Trump. Has there ever been a larger pile of steaming bullshit set in front of the American people? Here ya go, folks, dig in! Fresh ’n’ tasty!

There’s one reason, and only one reason, that Moscow Mitch is insisting on this absurd spectacle with zero witnesses—the defendant is one guilty sumbitch! Yes indeedy, Ole Don Don is totally, completely, without a doubt Guilty AF, and every one of these Retrumplican lickspittle senators and every one of these Retrumplican congresscreeps knows it. EVERY STINKING ONE OF THEM. Which is, of course, why they are prepared to fight to the death to make sure that this “trial” will have no witnesses. (A trial with no witnesses? Isn’t that like a poker tournament without any cards?) This farce is the ultimate expression of party over country. Raving incompetent illegitimate dangerous Putin-sucking imbecile in the White House? Fuck it, he’s our boy! We’ve got your back, IMPOTUS! You just keep on tweetin’! And we’ll keep on traitorin’! Da! Da! Da! Hail Vlad! Hail Vlad! Hail Vlad!

Actually, we just had a trial for Dum Dum—the Hearings in the House. Where 17 witnesses defied Agent Orange, took the stand and said, “Yep, this guy is guilty AF.” (Uh, Mr. President, we gotta admit, the optics aren’t looking real swell here.)

Low-hanging fruit Numero Dos: The total bullshit surrounding Dum Dum’s attempt to justify the killing of General Qasem Soleimani. All this twaddle about “an imminent attack” being masterminded by this “evil monster” is yet another plateload of steaming horse poop. By now, it’s painfully obvious there was no “imminent attack.” What happened was President Capone’s monkey boys Pence and Pompeo convinced him weeks ago that it was time to order a hit, so it looks like, you know, Trump has a pair. Sure enough, Twitler approved. “Yeah, a hit! Just like a real mob boss! Yeah! I’ve got a pair! For real! Cool! Hey look! I’m John Effing Gotti! Woo hoo! Back off, bitches, I’m a bad man! OK! Let’s do it! Let’s kill this guy! And, hey, Mike, I don’t have to fire anybody, do I?”

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